To be honest it goes back to the fall of man in Genesis. When God says to Eve (and in turn every woman thereafter), "Your desire will be toward your husband," that means that we as women will desire to control our husbands. Yes, control. Am I stepping on any toes? Mine have almost fallen off in the past when I have dug deep into this issue.
But did you catch that the "desire to control" was part of the curse? It is not God's heart or will. In fact the book of Proverbs explains that it is better for a man to live on the corner of a rooftop than in a house with a contemptuous, quarrelsome wife. Ouch! Ladies, as hard as it might be, to experience the full freedom in Christ we must lay down those chains of control we try to wrap around others, namely our spouse. We must get our eyes off of the weaknesses and faults of him and set our eyes upon the One who gives life to the full. Freedom will follow.
To take it a step further we must even change our thought patterns. For years I reasoned, "At least I don't say the nagging thoughts I think." I believe that the nagging, critical thoughts have just as much affect as the words you actually speak. You and your husband are one. Your thoughts toward him will influence your attitude, facial expression, and eventually your words.
God has challenged me in this past year to turn thoughts of criticism into two things: prayers and blessings. First, pray for your husband if you sense an area of weakness in him. Remember he is not your enemy (though it feels like he is at times). We are in a spiritual battle and "the fervent prayer of the righteous man avails much." (James 5:16) Fight for him in the heavenlies. Second, turn thoughts of criticism into thoughts of blessing. Declare God's truth over your husband, "God is making you to bear much fruit!" Even when you cannot see, know that your prayers of intercession do not go unheard. God is at work.
I hope you do not hear words of condemnation. I have failed the Lord so many times in my short 7 years of marriage. But God has taught me much as I have sought His will. There is both hope and strength in Him.