Showing posts with label this wife thing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label this wife thing. Show all posts

Friday, May 27, 2011

it meets me in unexpected places

The gospel meets me in the toy-strewn playroom. The grabbing and fussing flares between my young ones and it meets me, in the midst of a competitive Hi Ho Cherry-o game.


On good days, when I am sensitive to His Spirit, I remember that they are flesh. I see them as he sees them, a little soul in need of a Savior. I use the moment as a picture, illustrating again their ultimate longing. Freedom from self. Freedom to love.






On not-so-good days I react in my own flesh, reminded again of my desperation. Thankful for his persistent grace.


The gospel. A holy God bending down and redeeming mankind out of his extravagant love. Innocent blood shed for my rebellious soul. And for theirs. Undeserved. Beyond comprehension.


Seeing others through the gospel changes me. It softens me. It frees me to love.



Bringing it home...

How does looking at others through the lens of the gospel change you?



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Monday, May 23, 2011

He's on love's side


During a recent "discussion" with my man, I realized something about God. You see, I have this tendency to think I am right when I argue. But not only that, in those not-so-lovely moments, I can even think that God must think I'm right. And he must be on my side. Cause he's gotta be choosin'.


But, that's pretty much wrong thinking. In fact I don't think He is on any one person's "side." Yes, he is for us as his children. And yes he loves beyond human reason. But ultimately, he's on love's side. Unity's side. His side.






We are the wayward, selfish ones. We are the ones who misunderstand and misrepresent His amazing-ness. So He's not choosin'. He simply is. Love.


When the thought hit me the other night, it shut my mouth. Mostly. It gave me a different perspective. It caused me to pause and reconsider. Because if he is not choosing my side, then I want to get back in line with his side. The love side.


Humbling.


He's on love's side. He is love.



Bringing it home...

How would thinking of him this way change how we argue and fuss with others?

(Or maybe I am the only one who finds myself in these types of "discussions.")



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Monday, February 14, 2011

what Janet Jackson taught me about love {or not}


I am a product of Janet Jackson's 1986 hit, "What have you done for me lately." {uh uh uh uh uh, oooh oooh oooh, yeah.}


Seven years after its release, I graduated from high school defining "love" with similar sentiments.



photo credit - nicole pierce



For most of my life I wrestled with this little word love. I wanted the Cinderella story complete with gown and horse-drawn buggy. I wanted the "happily ever after" while gazing longingly into my man's eyes.


But our love story has been more of a Lifetime drama.


My man and I have walked through deep valleys with tough choices. We have questioned the plan and left wounds on the other. We have pointed fingers and miscommunicated.


But here we are...loving.


In these wife-years I have learned some things about love. True love--the Maker's love--chooses to pour out rather than demand.


It lifts and waits and gives. It fights for truth and destroys the list of wrongs. It suffers long and believes when hope hides. It is not based on the actions of the other.


How I want to love as my Lord so graciously loves me.


Sweet Janet Jackson, I enjoyed jamming to your songs. I forgive you for feeding into my confusion.


And to my man, I. love. you.



Bringing it home...

How has true love been proven in your own life?



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Monday, January 24, 2011

fully engaged living


She has green flecks in her big brown eyes. And I want to see them. Too often I'm tempted to nod and "mmm, hmm" without a glance in her direction. Pasta insists I stir or laundry lays wrinkling in the dryer. But she needs me fully engaged. They all do.




photo credit - flickr Rolands Lakis



Today's moments will fade into yesterday's memories before my coffee completely cools. If I'm not purposeful, intentional, and mindful, tomorrow will grace the calendar before I impress their wills towards Him. I could miss it. I don't want to miss it.

To live life face-to-face with those He places in our path. To meet them in that moment--the right now moment. To see earnest cravings and know the why to their tears. I think that's His way. The way of love.

Life is too short to waste it on mediocre living. I pray that He uses me up to pour love and grace and mercy and compassion onto those that walk next to me.


I will fail.

Probably in the next hour.



But my deepest desire beckons Him to touch others through my wanting hands. So here I go, about my today. Desiring to live fully engaged. Are you coming?



Bringing it home...

How do you intentionally engage the moments with those beside you?

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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

these days {a guest post}


I just know that this guest post from a dear sister-friend will bless you as it has me.


********


These are hard days.

Days where it feels like I did not accomplish a thing. Yet at night I lay my head on the pillow, exhausted.

Days where I feel like a failure.

But then I look to my Father.



I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2



I realize my Helper sees me in all my struggles.

And I see grace.





After looking to My Help, I look again at these days with a new perspective. Much is being accomplished.

There is great value in these days, as I choose obedience in the roles He has given me. Comforting babies, meeting needs, directing little hearts to Christ. Sitting at His feet, hiding His Word in my heart.


Spending these days knowing Him,

and making Him known to my family.


And really, what is more important than this?




Bringing it home...

Do you struggle with measuring your days with what you have (or have not) accomplished?

What are the roles that the Lord has called you to put first, and be obedient in?


********


Pastor’s wife, and mother of three, Katie Orr loves to teach God’s Word. Longing to equip others to walk with the Lord for a lifetime, Katie has discipled women and taught small group Bible studies for over thirteen years. She served on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ for seven years, before God called their family to pastoral ministry.

She blogs at Do Not Depart, where you can receive encouragement and tools to abide in God’s Word.




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Thursday, November 18, 2010

just love him


I speak the words and before they fully mingle with the air, I know it's Him.


Speaking to me.


I urge my little ones to love. "Just love him," I say, "Just love her." As if loving someone so starkly different from you is easy. As if loving someone who tears up your things or hurts your tender heart comes naturally.







And I know it's Him speaking to me.



Prompting me to love.



In watching these little souls from the sidelines--these that I steer and train--everything makes sense. Yes, she can be emotional. Yes, he tends to act before he thinks. But, love.

Love this one placed next to you in life. Choose to love him regardless. Life is too short to waste it on demands or rights. Just lavish her moments with unwavering, undeserved love.


You will be blessed and freed.



Love is patient, kind, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, believes, endures, never fails. How? Why? Because true love finds its source in The Love.

Our Lord portrayed true love while being nailed to a cross for those reviling His name. He died to self. He laid down his rights to be gloried. And He placed all pleasure in the intimacy He enjoyed with the Father.


His identity, secure.

His purpose, steadfast.

Love then flowed out a crimson red.



Just love him. Just love her. Just love.





Bringing it home...

Are you being called to love someone who makes it difficult?

How can we practically love when emotions tempt us otherwise?

We will never more clearly reflect our Lord than when we truly love--truly love--those who are not so lovely.



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Saturday, October 16, 2010

tortilla nights

I fixed fajitas the other night.
My boys decided to be creative with the tortillas.



the two-year-old...







the four-year-old...






and the thirty-something-year-old
leading the way
...





This is my life.



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Thursday, September 2, 2010

chains of control

We as wives naturally believe our job description includes "fixing" our men. And yes, I group myself into that woman category. In fact, I could name myself the president.

The temptation comes without warning, and it goes back to that garden of old. To that first woman and the flesh-curse put upon her.

We as women will battle the desire to control our men.

I can feel it rise up. I can feel the temptation begin to simmer. Starting with my thought life. And if not intercepted, it inevitably makes it to my lips. And I cringe, again, at the state of my natural self.

I want my man to know something. I want him to know that I love him today. Today. Not with a bunch of strings attached. Not with a long list of changes that need to be made in order for him to be accepted. But today, loved, without criticism of weakness or preference.

This releasing of control is the place of freedom and victory. Only when we drop those chains we desperately try to wrap around our men, and allow God to be God, will we ever experience marriage as He designed. And His design is beauty.

Before my God I again declare my desperation for Him. In faith I ask Him to fill me with His Spirit this day that I may be a wife who truly loves and blesses this man of mine.

Loves and blesses.
Honoring my Lord.


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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

thinking on purpose

It begins with thoughts of meal preparation...
  • Dinner tonight.
  • Do I need to go to the store?
  • Not again.
  • I just went yesterday.
  • I think there is chicken in the freezer.
  • Chicken again.
  • Oh well.
  • Maybe my little food critics will eat if I add cheese or pasta or chocolate.

I open the freezer...

  • Oh it's ______ brand.
  • That documentary said that they treated their chickens so inhumanely.
  • Those coops.
  • Chickens who couldn't even walk.
  • Maybe I shouldn't buy their brand anymore.
  • It just costs so much to go organic with everything.
  • But I guess in the end it is worth it.
  • Health and all.
  • And maybe Adam will understand.
  • He works so hard for our money.
  • I hate to waste it.

Thought life deteriorates...

  • Since he works all the time. (exaggeration)
  • All the time. (exaggeration)
  • In fact, I don't think I have seen him this week. (exaggeration)
  • Well, except for about thirty minutes yesterday before his meeting. (exaggeration)
  • He must not love us. (lie)
  • He only loves his job. (lie)

Phone rings. It's Adam. I answer with a chip on my shoulder and the conversation goes downhill from there.

**********

Our thoughts affect. They impress upon our attitudes and feelings. If we allow our minds to wander--uncontrolled and unregulated--then we will find ourselves believing lies. Mark it down.

The debate isn't whether or not the war exists. The question is whether or not we are engaged in the battle.

He empowers us to bring our thoughts into captivity to obedience.

(See 2 Corinthians 10:4-6)

Awareness is key. We must know our thoughts to take them captive. Begin by asking Him to reveal your thought life, but be prepared for a sobering assessment. I did this a couple of years ago and the revelation floored me. Negative, critical thoughts consumed my mind. Especially towards my man.

Once we know our thoughts, we can assess whether they live in the land of obedience. Or not. But to know if they obey, then we must know Truth. More specifically, know the Author of Truth. His heart. His ways. His love.

By His Word.

Only in the power of His Spirit, by faith in His filling, and with the sword of His Word gripped tight in our hands will our minds be taken captive. Captive to obedience.

If thoughts insist upon lies, the replace them with truth. If thoughts condemn, then replace them with blessing. If thoughts criticize, then replace them with intercession. Every single thought. Captive.

The thought pattern detailed above with the "hypothetical" deterioration turns out differently as I engage in the battle...

  • Since he works all the time.
  • (Pause. Assess. Replace.)
  • No, Lord, he doesn't work all the time.
  • Remind me of truth.
  • He recently took time off so we could go on vacation.
  • Maybe he does work quite a bit.
  • But he does it so I can stay home with our kids.
  • Father, You are his God. You guide him. You put within him Your plans for his days and for our family.
  • I trust You, Lord.
  • Teach me how to rightly love and respect him this day. In the moments.
  • Thank You that he works to provide for us.
  • Thank You, Lord.
  • I give You the praise.

The phone rings. It's Adam. I respond in love.

Thinking on purpose.



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Wednesday, June 2, 2010

even through un-bliss

We celebrated our anniversary yesterday. Eight years of wedded bliss. OK, so it hasn't all been bliss. In fact, we have walked--crawled--through some near devastating valleys. Places the enemy intended for our marital destruction--literally. Places that most declared "unsurvivable."

But this God who calls me His daughter fought for our home. And He continues to teach me how to believe Him for promises yet fulfilled.

I think that is what makes this day so meaningful. It isn't the long, romantic gazes from across the room--the what?! It isn't the flowers or chocolate--though the bouquet from my man was gorgeous.


No, it isn't the things I see or the things that Hollywood names valuable.

It is the faithfulness of my God. It is love without strings or condition. It is exchanging the garment of despair for the cloak of joy. Not joy in circumstances changed, but joy found in the valley of faith. Joy found in this God who reigns on High and invades the heart of His child.

I don't know the condition of your marriage this day. But there is a God ready to meet you in the deepest of pits. He hears and answers the call of His own. He stands and He intervenes. Press into Him with all you've got. Then, believe Him faithful to His word. His grace is sufficient.

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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

releasing the chains of control

The chains we keep tight and rigid. "This arm here. That arm there." The desire to know who, what, when, where, why, and how, all while juggling laundry and dishes, comes instinctively to us women. But it wears me out trying to control everything. Probably because I'm not supposed to control everything. So how do we stop?

In one simple word: trust. In nine words: Dance the dance of trust with a faithful, sovereign God.

We cannot lift our hands in worship if we are entangled in chains of control. Chains we desperately seek to bind on those closest to us--especially our men. Chains that Eve passed down through the generations once banned from that garden of delight.

God is patiently teaching me to release, to drop the chains I am tempted to bind around those beside me. And then we can all breathe.

Freedom flows when we allow those next to us to live their own adventure before a holy God. It is me before my Lord. You before your Lord. May we give people some space to move around. God is big enough to handle it.

So tell me, how do you struggle with control-freakish issues?


*****************************
Joining in the conversation at "Chatting at the Sky" today.

tuesdays unwrapped at cats

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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

the black cabinets

Without further adieu, dun dun duuuuunnnnnn...

The pictures of our newly revived kitchen cabinets painted by my man's devoted hands.

Here is the BEFORE, aka "sea of brown," along with various
tupperware and dishes on the coutertops.





And the AFTER.


And more AFTER...



And yes my handy husband also did that tile backsplash last year.
He's got mad skills.



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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

devoted hands

My man painted our kitchen cabinets this past weekend. Black. It used to be a sea of brown. Now it shouts with character. In fact, I think the kitchen is smiling.

There were a couple of times I stopped and watched my man's strong hands, calloused from years of toil. As his mind strategized, his fingers moved about the wood and the tools...on purpose. Hours--days--later, he accomplished his goal with near-perfection.

Today I pause to remember his hands. Hands devoted to the building and preservation of our home. And our family.

I love and appreciate you, babe.

****************************************************

I join with Emily at Chatting at the Sky for this "Tuesdays Unwrapped" post. Follow the link below to read what others are pausing to remember this day.

tuesdays unwrapped at cats

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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Seeds of Hope


These aren't just wildflowers at our mailbox. This patch of color rejoices in the faithfulness of our God. You see, a year ago I sowed these as tiny little seeds of hope--hope of promises to come.


But to truly appreciate God's handiwork, you have to understand a touch of our story. Last Spring, my husband and I reached new places in our marriage--places in which glimmers of light began shining where darkness once relentlessly resided. For months God had taken the pieces of our shattered home and slowly began mending them together, one-by-one. He then whispered promise into my ear.


My hands buried those seeds under the soil by faith. And God beautifully brought forth the harvest...just like He continues to do in our home. He absolutely amazes me.

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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Disdain of "D"

In my humble opinion, it seems that the institution of marriage has been so cheaply mishandled. And before you think I am pointing fingers, I include myself in this assessment. But by His grace, God has been deepening my understanding--taking rich color and adding it to the drab picture I have often held in my mind.

I taught this last Sunday on divorce. And to be real honest, I hate the "D" word. It carries with it these tattered cloaks of shame for all who have walked its path to don. And before I proceed, it is vital for me to say that in Christ there is NO condemnation. If you are one who has stepped through "D's" door, then rest in the work of Christ. All sin and shame have been nailed to a cross and covered by innocent, Divine blood. It is washed away.

Now with that as the backdrop, let's look at divorce. In my study this last week, I wanted to know more than, "God hates it so don't do it." Like my 5 year old asks continually, "Why? Why does He hate it?" God is not arbitrary. He is purposeful and love and good and on the side of His child. So why would He say He hates it? This was my continual question before His throne.

The majority of my study and teaching was taken from Malachi 2:10-16, and though you will one day be able to read this in the book God is leading me to write ;) I felt led to share with you the passion God is fanning into flame in my own heart.

Here's the thing about marriage, God absolutely loves it. In its perfect design it is a glimpse into the movement of God. This entire thing, from beginning to end, is the story of how He is wooing His bride--the church--to Himself, one day to be brought to completion at that glorious wedding feast. It is meant to reflect a much more eternal reality--one in which we are but a recipient of His adoring love.

The reason, ultimately, why He hates divorce is because divorce deals treacherously with His holy design. It profanes His reflection in this world. When a covenant is made before the Lord between a bride and her bridegroom, He covers them--clothes them--with a remnant of His Spirit (see Malachi 2). He makes the two one. And He then says in Malachi 2:16 that divorce takes that covering, that garment, and tries to hide "violence" under it. And He desires they be cut off.

We have so cheapened this marriage thing--myself included. We have believed that it is simply an external agreement to be done with as we please--as our feelings lead. But there is depth and beauty and meaning, far beyond the four walls of our home.

The beat of my heart is revival among the church of our Mighty God. That we would reflect Him rightly--in all His fame and power. And it seems that understanding marriage in the glory of its Maker, proves foundational to the outpouring of His Spirit.

So, in as much as depends on me, I want to honor Him as a wife covenanted before Him to my man.

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Friday, February 19, 2010

I Call Him Brother

When my marriage went through "reconstructive surgery," God challenged me with a fresh mindset towards my man. Truthfully, the mark of "wife" carries with it the temptation to demand our rights. I would read certain passages written to husbands and insist upon them as claims for my emotionally schizophrenic heart. And it only left him with a sense of insufficiency--rightly so.

During our healing the Lord granted me a new perspective--one that has brought so much freedom in our home. He called me to view my man--first and foremost--as my brother in the Lord. And as my brother, how can I build him up rather than tear him down with endless "to-dos"?

Throughout scripture we are taught how to love the brotherhood--selflessly, sacrificially, unto death. But when it comes to marriage I (we) tend to nail our individual rights to the door and ruthlessly demand their fulfillment. That is not His way.

When we release our spouse to live before their God--allowing Him to move and prompt and reveal--it empowers us to love, free of chains. Then we breathe. The pressure melts as our faith is placed back on the Lover of our souls rather than on this other human walking shoulder to shoulder in this crazy journey. Freedom.

I am very aware of the struggles within marriage--complicated, messy, multi-dimensional struggles. But the way of our Lord is love without strings. It is an irresistible, healing love--one that pierces the hardness. May we set our gaze upon Him--moment by moment--and allow our own brokenness to be affected. He will then spill forth onto those closest to us.

He is worthy.

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Sunday, February 14, 2010

A Love Note

To my man, who surprised me yesterday with a singing...quintet:

I want to love you with more and more selfless abandon. God has been so good to us--shown His miraculous power in our home--by taking the pieces of our brokenness and making something beyond my comprehension. You are a treasure to me. I am blessed to call you my man.

~Lara

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