this adventure with the Most High: February 2010

Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Gaze of One

Do I really? I mean, when it's all said and done, when the accolades cease, when everyone else has "gotten the memo," do I really live for an audience of One? Is He really the only One from whom I desire approval?

The words of Paul resonate in my mind, "Do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10)

The two pursuits collide.

To be honest, I have always liked for people to like me. Call it insecurity. Call it immaturity. But I am coming to this new place in my life--a foreign land where I am learning the language and tasting new foods. In this land I grow ever more sensitive to the gaze of One--the gaze of Him who reigns. And I long to be faithful.

It isn't that I fear His wrath--He has placed that upon His Son. It isn't that I feel it's my duty--for grace abounds. It's just that He knows me perfectly. His plans for me are for my good and His glory. And there simply is no life--no abundance or ultimate freedom of soul--apart from my walking faithful to the call upon my heart.

So here I am--me before Him. Father, use me for Your name's sake.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Email Subscriptions

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See you in your inbox.

personal.

Either God is who He has proven Himself to be or He is not God. He has set the precedent throughout His Word. He understands our thoughts afar off. And He is willing to meet us on the mountains and in the valleys...personally. He speaks intimately and promises specifically. Do you believe?

His audible voice has never graced my ears--I would probably die. But He has "spoken" so personally to me by His Spirit and through His Word that there are moments of brief freak out, followed by laughter of joy at how real, and how intimate, this God is.

He responds and reaches down into this speck of time. He hears the cries of my mouth for discernment or encouragement. And He meets me. It blows me away. He is personal.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

He Wore Pink Slippers

Back down to this earthly realm (see today's earlier post). This is a reflection I wrote last night about my youngest. He's 2.

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He wore pink slippers--my 2-year-old, that is. You know, there are some battles I just don't fight. Today it was the shoes--his older sister's pink ballet slippers--and I called the truce. I refused to pick up my sword. Maybe the eyes of strangers were drawn to his feet. Maybe the aisles of Target were a bit more slippery. And maybe the pink feathers are now close to needing repair. But I didn't care.

He's 2.

He must have just recently received the memo. He was such a delightful young toddler--quick to obey and...well...near perfect. But now, he's 2; and it seems a page in his little life has turned.

He screams "no" in declaration of his opinion. He more frequently finds himself on the time-out step--lip sticking out, head tilting down, and huge puppy dog eyes insisting you relent.

He's 2.

But he still wants me to hold him.

He still buries his head on my shoulder; I am his safe place.

I see differently with the third child. I understand that this is only a season, and this too shall pass--more quickly than I bargained for. I get that he is trying sink into himself...at 2. I embrace that this is the next step--though I catch my eyes lingering on his little face, wanting not to forget.

He's 2.

Father, give me your vision for this little man. Raise him up to love and honor You.

Full and Fiery

I am so "full" I can hardly contain myself. (shouting Hallelujah!) No, I didn't win a new car or find a check for thousands of dollars written just for me. I am just so full of the ways and truth of God I can hardly sit still.

The women's ministry at my church is in the midst of the "Believing God" series by Beth Moore and all I can say is she "preached it" this morning. (Hands raised!) And His Spirit has been so stirred within me to the point that I sound...crazy. But I don't care.

The word was such a confirmation of something that has been trying to find its way out in me--if that makes any sense. Friend, we have got to guard our mouths. What we say we will believe! If we are speaking things that are contrary to God's will for our lives--contrary to what God has for His children--then our lives will dwell in the land of defeat. Mark it down.

But our faithful Father has more for His children. He has victory for His sons and victory for His daughters. He has peace and joy and power for those who believe and for those who declare His truths with their mouths.

I don't know where you are today in this season of your life, but if you are His child then defeat is not your destiny. You believe His promises and then speak them out loud. Mountains will move, friend.

Oh people, I am not sure if you can sense my passion at this moment but God has victory for you regardless of your circumstance. Don't believe anything else.

Praise Him. Oh, praise Him.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

MOPs

I will be speaking this morning at the Westover Church MOPs group, Greensboro, NC. Looking forward to hanging out with these fellow mommies. Though I cannot guarantee that I will arrive without peanut butter or cream cheese on my clothes or in my hair. Gotta love it.

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Quick phrase to ponder today from Beth Moore: If the enemy cannot get you to be destructive, then he will get you distracted. (Believing God)

And as my dad used to say, "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing."

Lord, may our hearts and minds stay fixed upon You--for the glory due Your name.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Nothing.

I awoke this morning with this phrase swirling around in my mind, "Nothing that this world can offer could ever match the beauty of Your holiness"--words from a song we sang in worship yesterday.

You know, I have spent the vast majority of my life just dabbling in the things of God with a divided heart--part of me wanting to honor our Maker, while the other part desiring the world to notice and fill. But about two years ago God faithfully crushed my false idols--things which He knew could never quench my unwavering thirst. And I have not been the same since.

Don't get me wrong. I am still tempted at times to set my gaze on earthly things. But something has changed. There is a taste of His uncontainable character lingering on my lips that draws me back to my knees in wonder.

We were created to desire Him. We were designed to find fullness in Him. "Nothing that this world can offer could ever match the beauty of Your holiness." The cry of a longing heart.

He is that good.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Trudog

Keeping things on the lighter side this Saturday morning.

Our family pre-bought the new Toby Mac cd back at Christmas--yes, trying to brainwash the kids early. The actual release was a couple of weeks ago. There is a short rhyme on the album by Toby Mac's son--Trudog--and my three kids are obsessed. In fact, we have ridden around town numerous times with track 8 repeating and repeating and repeating, until even the 2 year old is "mixing it up." It's hysterical.

So I thought I would share an older song by Trudog that I found on YouTube. Maybe I will brainwash you as well.

Friday, February 19, 2010

I Call Him Brother

When my marriage went through "reconstructive surgery," God challenged me with a fresh mindset towards my man. Truthfully, the mark of "wife" carries with it the temptation to demand our rights. I would read certain passages written to husbands and insist upon them as claims for my emotionally schizophrenic heart. And it only left him with a sense of insufficiency--rightly so.

During our healing the Lord granted me a new perspective--one that has brought so much freedom in our home. He called me to view my man--first and foremost--as my brother in the Lord. And as my brother, how can I build him up rather than tear him down with endless "to-dos"?

Throughout scripture we are taught how to love the brotherhood--selflessly, sacrificially, unto death. But when it comes to marriage I (we) tend to nail our individual rights to the door and ruthlessly demand their fulfillment. That is not His way.

When we release our spouse to live before their God--allowing Him to move and prompt and reveal--it empowers us to love, free of chains. Then we breathe. The pressure melts as our faith is placed back on the Lover of our souls rather than on this other human walking shoulder to shoulder in this crazy journey. Freedom.

I am very aware of the struggles within marriage--complicated, messy, multi-dimensional struggles. But the way of our Lord is love without strings. It is an irresistible, healing love--one that pierces the hardness. May we set our gaze upon Him--moment by moment--and allow our own brokenness to be affected. He will then spill forth onto those closest to us.

He is worthy.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Veil Lifted

Darkness veils like a heavy blanket on a frigid night.
Thinking we see, though blind and desperate for reality.
Bound and numb--hands feeling around for life, for truth, for freedom.
The weight unbearable, questionable, and frantic.

Until He grabs the edge. He lifts the tattered covering. And Light creeps in.
Our eyes squint and our heart sinks--foreign, uncertain, unknown in the dark.
He calls our name, we gasp and wait...
Until His hand envelopes our own--like a Father to His child.

We stand where we once wallowed. Slowly our feet begin to follow His own,
into this glorious, marvelous, encompassing Light.
We breathe deep--new life. We jump unhindered and dance with joy.
We see, we love, we are overwhelmed, we bow--and then proclaim.

You alone are God. You alone give life. You alone are worthy. I am awed.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

wild.

Either God is who He has proven Himself to be, or He is not God. He is the Lion of Judah--unable to be tamed, unpredictable, incomprehensible. The grave could not keep Him in the dirt. The enemy must bow at the mention of His name. He is fierce. He is strength, with a roar that shatters the chains. My tears do not manipulate. My fears do not intimidate. He is active, moving, and precise. My face to the ground, this God cannot be constrained...except by His promises.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Earnestly Desire

God clarified something in my spirit this morning. He is good like that. So this is a follow-up to Friday's post, But I Want That.

To covet means to earnestly desire. So the clarification: what and why am I coveting? If I see someone pleasing the Lord with there faith, walking in the power of their gifts, it is honorable for me to earnestly desire to emulate their example. Even Paul instructed his readers to imitate him in his faith. Desiring passion for the things of God that we observe in another is pleasing.

The ultimate test of honorable coveting is whether the thing desired is for my personal gain or for the glory of God. Earnestly desiring my neighbor's BMW probably hovers around personal agenda. While wanting to live my brief stay on this fleeting earth in powerful effectiveness for the kingdom of God--as observed in another--points to the glory due His name.

May we earnestly desire to follow in the footsteps of those giants of faith. Thank you, Lord, for speaking.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Enough Time

Our lists can grow so long--toilets that need cleaning, dishes that need washing, clothes that need folding, scrapbooks that need...everything, and most importantly people that need loving. Meanwhile our minds become weary at the thought of it all. Our gaze drops to this earthly realm and we compare our accomplished tasks to those of others, and we wonder if we missed something.

But the burden of our gracious Lord is light.

We all have 24 hours in a day--86,400 seconds--and we have enough time to do that which God intends for us to do. His burden is light. He does not pile heavy heaps onto our shoulders. His list for Monday does not overwhelm or bind. So why do we sometimes feel overloaded?

Sometimes when my kids go down for naptime and I am tempted to whirl through the house like a tornado, I picture the great cloud of witnesses--as mentioned in the book of Hebrews--watching and responding. As the hands on the clock become covered in non-essentials, I imagine them calling me back to the foundation of love. As I choose to submit to His guidance, I sense them cheering me on.

This life is so short. I want to spend my time doing the things He has for me rather than filling my seconds with my own agenda. I am far from perfect--if only you could see my times of impatience and poor communication. They exist more often than I like to admit. But I am learning that the only place of abundance is found in Him and His plan for my days.

We have enough time to do that which He has for us to do. Sometimes His plan includes scrubbing the baseboards, and most often does not--promise to never look at mine. We simply need to learn how to discern.

Teach us to hear Your voice, o Lord.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Potty Pressure

Though I partly want to forget moments like this, something in me feels the need to document. Twisted, I know. So what sent my blood pressure to the sky today? It was the potty.

The potty often feels like my nemesis. Don't get me wrong. I love it when my kids are finally potty-trained. But the pressure to find a potty at the worst possible moments makes me think back to the days of diapers with nostalgia. I am not exaggerating when I say that I know the location of every bathroom, in every store we frequent.

Like today for instance. It was after 12:30 and I hadn't yet fed my kids. The littlest was starting to whine as I scrambled to get my children, their coats, their hats, their papers, their crafts, and their valentines into the car from church. Hubby was at work so I was riding solo. The wind was whipping around, my hair was stuck to my lip gloss, and it was frigid. Once everyone was settled, tucked neatly into their car seat contraptions, with my hand on the door handle, the dreaded words pierced my ears, "I need to go potty, mommy."

I stood for a moment wondering if I could possibly ignore the request until child number two chimed in, "I need to go too." Are you kidding me? It felt like the last ten minutes had been a complete waste. Not to mention that I could not even see the floor of my van from all of their artwork. So with a deep breath, and quick prayer, "Lord help me," I crawled back in and set up our trusty portable potty--one of the very best investments of all time.

As child number one, then child number two, completed their respective business, and as I watched the last of the cars drive off to enjoy their lazy Sunday afternoon, slowly my blood pressure began to fall back into normal range. You know, with all the suffering and serious bondage in the world one would think that such menial pressures would roll right off my back. But no.

Ahhhhh. Just keepin' it real.

A Love Note

To my man, who surprised me yesterday with a singing...quintet:

I want to love you with more and more selfless abandon. God has been so good to us--shown His miraculous power in our home--by taking the pieces of our brokenness and making something beyond my comprehension. You are a treasure to me. I am blessed to call you my man.

~Lara

Friday, February 12, 2010

But I Want That

There is a reason why He wrote it on stone tablets. He knows the heart of mankind.

Confession. I sometimes observe a sister or brother in the Lord, and I covet. I look at them walking with such grace and strength in their giftings; and I compare what I see next to my often awkward stance. One in which I feel somewhat like my two year old wearing his sister's Snow White dress-up shoes--clumsy and out-of-place. And I whine.

How God knows the heart of mankind. He knows that in our natural selves we will look at the manicured grass on the other side of the freshly painted fence, and we will covet. Our yard seems dead and patchy, and our fence needs a new coat. Little do we know that the other is gazing over our fence as well. Then we whine, wondering if He has forgotten. But He hasn't.

Yesterday while driving with my three kids in the back, there was a continual wave of discontent from their little lips, and I realized something. The only time they whine or complain is when they don't get what they want. (Brilliant, I know.) Otherwise--not a trace of unsettled hearts. And it dawned on me: they are all-natural, completely organic in the flesh. Their flesh has not yet been redeemed. And in the natural we whine when things don't go according to our perfectly thought-out plan. We covet when others have what we think is best for us.

But our God wrote "You shall not covet" on the stone tablets because He knows the heart of man. And then He sent His Son so that we might be made alive--freed.

When we set our eyes on this world--on those walking shoulder to shoulder with us--we will miss the fullness of the Lord for our lives. We pollute His character with our discontent, redefining Him in our minds to be something He is not.

Paul addressed the issue of spiritual gifts in his first letter to the church at Corinth. And his ultimate point exposed the foundational error--not being led by love. (see 1 Corinthians 12, 13)

The reason God gifts His church is so that we may edify one another--build one another up in the faith. If ever our eyes drop from the law of love, then covetousness takes up residence in our minds. And this is not the heart of God!

We must bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ--only by the power of His Spirit. Every thought captive to love. If you find yourself internally coveting the giftings of others, then bring that to His throne of healing and grace. Confess those ponderings as dishonorable. And begin praying that God would further anoint that other person so that the Body of our Lord might be encouraged and strengthened. Then pursue love--pursue the face of God. He has a plan specific for you, and specific for me.

Now dance the dance of trust.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

intimacy.

Either God is who He has proven Himself to be, or He is not God. He knows the number of hairs on our individual heads. He contemplates our thoughts while they have yet graced our minds. He understands our every motive, our every tear, our every fear, and He speaks so we can hear. This God who is reigning in holiness over eternity, enters into time and meets us where we are...on Thursday. And His gaze rests on the one who is contrite of spirit and trembling at His Word. What are you going to believe today?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

power.

Either God is who He has proven Himself to be, or He is not God. I awoke this morning to the sound of forty mile per hour winds whipping outside my window. Branches are bending. Chimes are ringing. There is a sense of power in the air. But that is only a scratch. The power of this One we call God changes molecular structures with His breath; and causes the flames of a fire to lap up gallons of water. He stops the storms, raises the dead, and rains down bread from heaven.

Wherever we are in our walk this day, there is infinitely more we have yet to experience of His uncontainable, power-filled character. Oh, and His benefits are rich. What are you going to believe today?

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

He is...

Either God is who He has proven Himself to be, or He is not God. As for me, I am choosing to stand on the foundation of His character rather than the ever-changing tides of my unstable heart. He is good. He rewards those who diligently seek Him. He never forsakes His own. He sees, avenges, binds, and heals. What are you going to believe today?

Monday, February 8, 2010

One Girl

I don't want to forget. I just don't.

Doug Dworak, director of Tiny Hands International, came and spoke yesterday at a luncheon I was blessed to attend. And I don't want to forget. I don't want step back into my suburban bubble unchanged. With tears in his eyes, and great tenderness in his heart, he shared the various ministries in which the organization is now involved.

The issue of child sex trafficking is atrocious. And it is so tempting to turn my eyes away in utter disgust. To hear him say that young boys are now being sold for body parts, or that children live their entire childhood under their mother's bed while listening to her perform sex acts, enslaved in a brothel--this is the devastating reality. And I don't want to forget.

I don't want to be like those the Lord describes through the pen of Isaiah, "How the faithful city has become a harlot! It was full of justice; righteousness lodged in it, but now murderers...Everyone loves bribes, and follows after rewards. They do not defend the fatherless, nor does the cause of the widow come before them." (Isaiah 1:21, 23b) May that not be us.

Before our compassionate God, the fatherless find mercy. (Hosea 14:3b) But strongholds must be broken. The enemy has deceived and billions of dollars pass through this degrading, damaging industry every year. So what can we do? What can I do--young mother to three children safe in their home? Three things:

1. Pray. This is not a "churchy" cliche. Oh it can be. But the believing prayer of God's children causes structures to collapse. Doug said that when they began fasting and praying every Wednesday for this cause, the number of women intercepted out of trafficking increased from 49 to 1000 in less than a year! Prayer and fasting IS a weapon mighty in God.

One way you can commit to pray is through the One Girl initiative. For only $10 you can get this amazing bracelet, hand stitched by the women of Princess Home in Nepal. Friend, this is the very least we can do--support these women and get on our knees against principalities of darkness. Get yours today!

2. Donate. I know there are a plethora of organizations asking for help. But I will tell you, you will not find an organization any more faithful with funds than Tiny Hands. This director and his small stateside staff diligently seek the Lord's will and desire to be ever-faithful with every dollar that passes through their hands.

3. Stay informed and inform others. Set aside one hour and watch the video entitled The Day My God Died. Then speak out. Let others know of this disgrace and show them how they can also join the effort to abolish.

Our God is a faithful, compassionate God. As John Piper says, "He does not play catch up with the enemy." This is a difficult topic to reconcile. But may we begin with His character and look at this devastation through His eyes of grace. He is reigning on high.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Set Free

This whole big thing, it's not all about
My 401K or the quickest route,
The newest line from Calvin Klein,
Or whether my name causes others to pine.

No amount of money in all my accounts,
No man--this heart has too many founts--
No car, or desk, or laptop, or phone,
No nothing created can lead our feet home,

Only the hands that lifted the clay
and molded and shaped, 'til that fateful day
When new life He breathed into this fragile soul--
His strength, His love, His ways were made known.

In Him alone my depths drop the reigns.
He lavishes His child with immeasurable gains.
"Abundance I give," He whispers--wise, firm--
"Follow Me. Trust Me. Believe what you've learned."

This whole big thing, life-in-color is found,
Alone in the One who in grace freed the bound.

Friday, February 5, 2010

All Fear Aside

I am going to say something radical, but something I believe to be scripturally true. All of our places of frustration or anxiety would be obliterated if we would raise our view of God. To say anything less reduces Him to something He thankfully is not.

Ask yourself, "what brings me anxiety?" Is it a diagnosis, or a relationship, or an outcome, or a possible disaster? Then hold that anxious place up next to the character of God. Who is He? He is reigning perfectly over the happenings of His children. He will not allow anything into the lives of His own that is not for His glory and our ultimate good. Nothing. He loves with an everlasting love and will never leave or forsake.

The truth is that those anxious places are not built on the foundation of God's true character, they are built on our view from below.

When we first got married I battled fear of being alone at night--my husband's job regularly calls him away. I remember checking under every bed and in every closet every single evening once darkness settled. One particular night, while washing my face with my eyes squinted, all of the power in our house went out--everything. And there wasn't a storm. My heart about jumped out of my chest as a million thoughts raced through my fearful mind.

So I did the only thing I knew to do. I raised my hands and screamed at the top of my lungs, "JEEEESUUUUUS!" As His name left my lips, the power was restored. With hands shaking I called a dear friend who lived nearby to come over and pray with me--and spend the night. It was from there that God began shedding this crazy fear.

As I started believing His revelation about Himself from His Word--raising my view of this awesome, relevant, beautiful God--the fear subsided. And I began to rest. Within a few months I received a phone call from someone trying to sell alarm systems and I told the poor woman, "Thank you, but God is my alarm system." She didn't have a response to that one written in her book.

I know that this is a menial example next to some of the fears we are tempted to believe in this life. But here's the point: God is bigger. Whatever anxious place you hold, He is greater. Get into His Word and believe what He says about Himself.

I love something I recently read by Beth Moore. She says, "What would we believe Christ Jesus could do if all we had was a New Testament?" He is faithful and His character never changes. I dare you to believe.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Mommy Moments

I hear the word "mommy" about 8,486 times per day. OK, so I haven't actually counted but it's a lot. And usually it is more like, "MOOOMMMMMYYYYY, MAAAAAMMMMMAAAAAA, MOOOOOMMMMYYYY"--loud, with three different voices behind each petition.

Parenting is one of the most stretching jobs on earth, especially the more preschoolers you have at one time--mainly because that means the more teenagers you will have at one time. Lord, help me! But as I always say, it's the moments that matter.

There is a phrase--I do not remember the source--that says, "Our kids won't remember the things we did with them, they will remember how we made them feel." Wow. So what do I want my kids to feel from my interactions with them? Love. Security. Honor. I want them to feel with me how I should feel in the hands of my heavenly Father.

One of my continual prayers as a young mom is that I would see my kids how He sees my kids. That I would have His vision and His wisdom rather than some tainted, selfish, list-following view from below. He designed them. They are His. My job is to simply take their hand and place it into His so that they learn the place of ultimate security and love.

I cannot do it on my own. The moments are way too intense. Only by the power of His filling, the strength of His might--and a few moments locked in the bathroom--am I able to reflect Him rightly. Lord, it's Thursday and it must be You who does this thing through me today. Glorify Your name.

I hear them stirring. They call me "mommy."

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If the topic of parenting causes sorrow to arise in you, then there is only one solid place upon which to stand--the character of the God of the universe. He is fully sovereign, completely faithful, motivated by love, and sees your every single tear. He has not forgotten you. Stand there and breathe.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Alive!

From John Edwards to Tiger Woods to the man on your own street once convicted of child molestation, the depravity of mankind really shouldn't shock us. In fact, they are me when left to myself. We all fulfill the lust of our flesh in the natural man. That's what we do. That's who we are. We are fallen--dead to righteousness.

Some are better at covering it with a "happy face" than others. Some push the envelope to the extremes that make our stomachs churn. But darkness is not pretty. Sin deceives, hurts, betrays, blinds, and rips apart. It enslaves. That's what it does. That's what it is.

And there is only one remedy. There is only one way to freedom from the death grip on one's heart. We need someone, something, to reach down and pull us from our own pit of destruction. We need a Savior. We need CPR--all of us.

When this Jesus opened my eyes, I was a complete mess--utterly fulfilling the cravings of my natural self. He woke me from my slumber, and I have never been the same. I cannot get over Him.

I still dance with my flesh at times--just ask my kids to document yesterday, or the day before. But the difference is that now--since Jesus--that is not who I am. I am no longer spiritually dead. I have a choice--and so do you if you have been given life through this Savior.

Life is hard. Marriage is really hard. People are messy. Parenting is...impossible when left to myself. But I have a choice in the moments. Do I follow this deceitful heart that screams for my self-rights, or do I take up my cross and follow this One who breathed life into my death? I choose Him.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Whatever He says

It's so simple, yet we can make it so difficult. It's so clear, yet our hearts deceive. The scene was a wedding feast and the host ran out of wine--an embarrassment to his hospitable image. Jesus was there, along with his mother Mary, his family, and his disciples. And Mary's statement reveals the simplicity.

"Whatever He says to you, do it." (John 2:5)

They were out of wine and she knew intimately the one who could solve the issue. So she instructs the servants, "Do whatever He says." Whatever He says. Simple.

Now, I am not telling you to beseech the Sovereign ruler of the universe if you run out of wine at your next party--that's not my point, though He could do it. My point is that Mary knew Jesus personally--intimately--and she knew that the things He said were life.

When He instructs, "Forgive all offenses. Bless those who curse you. Love your enemy," He is speaking life and freedom to us. When we take up our cross and crucify self, then we will experience the abundance He died to give regardless of circumstance. He is bigger than the moment. He is fiercer than the fire. He speaks and it comes to pass. His ways bring blessing to the depths of man.

"Whatever He says to you, do it." Words by which to live.